What does God want with me?

So. Here I am, blogging, something I do believe I vowed never to do (mainly for reasons as simple as I have nothing worth while to say), but none-the-less, here I am blogging – also with the aid of my favorite nun – Mother Angelica.! (and I wrote this while continually saying: “For God and for Mimi! Amen!”)

Since this is a little late for both Advent and Christmas, I decided to write this with the intentions of it being a "New Year discovery post". Happy reading!

Thinking of what to say, what to even talk about, has been pretty difficult to decide, but I finally came to a conclusion, and I know God will give me the grace to get this all down.

What Does God Want with ME?!

This question first arises when we consider the fact that God has chosen YOU (youyouyou! Incredible right?!), maybe you already know this, and maybe this is news – best believe it because it is 100% true. Why? Because He loves each and every one of us with a Divine and Perfect Love, unlike any we have ever known! Believe in His Love.

So God has chosen you, and He loves you too. This is super incredible news, right?! But “what does God want with me”? Why has He chosen me? What does he want me to do in my life? Well, let’s see if we can figure this out!

What I am going to begin with may seem off topic at first, but bear with me… I was reading an amazing book by an even more amazing nun – Mother Angelica – and read this amazing passage, which really struck me as super-duper awesome, so naturally what does one do with a super-duper awesome thing? Share! AMAZING ;)

She began: “When I was a young nun, I used to read the lives of the saints, hoping to find someone like me. Someone who had to eat six times a day and get nine hours of sleep. Someone who was not robust enough to make all the sacrifices that the “ordinary” saint seemed able to make. I read about saints who had spent entire nights in prayer and gone days without food. The more I looked, the more discouraged I became, realizing that holiness must be for the elite.”

First off, this couldn’t apply to my life more perfectly – for example, my hunger never seems to deplete, I sleep like a baby, and the list seems to go on and on and on! My feelings – the saints are God’s elite (and of course they are undoubtedly saints seeing as they are the ones who are in Heaven), but how am I ever to become a saint?! I can’t compete with the elite!! AHH! But it is this, where Mother Angelica directs her message that truly puts it into perspective for me.

She says: “the biographers failed to note that the majority of saints were ordinary people who struggled with temptation, SIN, frailties, weakness. JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.”

AMEN.

So now who could possibly be a better example than the Apostles themselves? These were God’s chosen leaders for His new Church, but they were extremely imperfect. They were jealous, envious, had temper tantrums, they pouted, often became depressed, they feared trials, they ran in times of crisis (the Garden of Gethsemane), they were prideful, and incompetent (Did you know that there is not one account in Scripture of the Apostles ever catching any fish on their own? Yeah, neither did I!! True Story.) I am slowly starting to actually relate to some of God’s highly favored! And now – BAM – best part yet (this is insane, mind blowing stuff) SAINTS ARE NOT BORN BUT MADE!!!!!!!! Two words: GREAT H O P E! (AHHHHH :D)

And now it is from this we ask: “WHAT DOES GOD WANT WITH ME?”

The answer is simple. The answer is beautiful.

God wants us to become saints.

“The only tragedy in this life is not to have been a saint”, and He has equipped us with EVERYTHING we need to accomplish this: strength and weakness, happiness and sadness, flaws and the ability to overcome them. Overcoming may be one of the hardest tasks, yes, - and it requires a lot of humbling, yes, - but we have to snap out of sin, SIT UP and pay attention to God’s mission for us in this life – SAINTHOOD.

Mother Angelica again pointed out a notion, which a lot of people cling to (I know I have for sure) which is the notion that

“avoiding sanctity is somehow safer, and more comfortable … people would rather do just enough to get by. It’s as if they’re aiming for Purgatory.”

* FLASE NOTION! * Isn’t it such a shame for us, who are graced by God with this over-abundant means to achieve perfection, to only aim for enough to just barely get by? We don’t eat like that, I certainly don’t, we eat enough to sustain our bodies and keep them healthy. We should do the same in our quest to sainthood. Sustain our spiritual lives (ex. Prayer, fasting, and all those lovely things). Let’s consider a harsh reality: ‘just passing’ could easily be ‘just failing’; this is not a risk that anybody should ever take. We are called to perfect holiness, even if we are sinners and weaklings.

Have you ever watched one of those reality TV shows where people are challenged to do ridiculous things (like eat bugs or insane things like that), and then get crazy cool prizes in the end? Well, our own lives are in a sense like reality TV shows, and God is challenging us to do the ridiculous and He has got this INSANE, BETTER-THAN-ANYTHINGANDEVERYTHING prize – ETERNAL SALVATION! Though it is not wrong to be comfortable in life, we must do the ridiculous, and “sometimes it is not until we are willing to do what seems humanly ridiculous, [that] God will not do the miraculous.” It is not for me to say what is ridiculous, it is definitely relative to each individual and their personal lives, but it could be as simple as stepping out of our comfort zone and doing His will – whatever and no matter what it is. Easy? NEVER! But hey, who said holiness wasn’t hard work? And nobody likes to be at odds with themselves, and that little nagging voice which says ‘it can’t be done’ is sometimes overpowering, but “God is good enough, strong enough, and SMART enough to do anything”, even work through “dummies” (all due respect, scholarly words by the Madre herself) like us. He will bend us to His will, best just go with it. It’s easier for a blacksmith to bend hot iron than for him to bend iron that has not been heated. If you have a cold iron heart (or an ‘iron will’ in my case), let God warm it up and mold it into a beautiful masterpiece fit for His Kingdom. Say those beautiful words “THY WILL BE DONE”, and really mean it.

So “Thy will be done”, and what is His will? To become saints and grow in holiness. And as each one of us, each individual will experience their journey to holiness in their own unique and individual way. But as unique as each path is, we all seem to pass the same signposts. Mother Angelica outlines them as such:

- We must resect and obey the laws of God.

- We must repent our sins and ask for God’s forgiveness with a sincere heart.

- We must LOVE as God loves.

- We must radiate God’s goodness.

Mother Angelica had some closing words, which I couldn’t have said better myself, so I will quote them:

“There is so much that God wants you to accomplish, so much you can accomplish for Him. Knowing that God is present, operating in your life every moment of every day, you can move forward without fear, with the courage of the saints, to fulfill the special mission He has in mind for you.”

God has something very special in mind for you.

He wants you to be a saint.

Magi who? (from a guest anonymous blogger :) )

Ever thought of the Magi? Before now I didn’t give their story much thought and I had no idea who they were. The Magi were the Wise Men of the East and were greatly respected among the Jews. They were gentiles who believed in a Supreme Deity who manifested himself in the elements (fire, water, etc.) and even had former connections with the prophet Daniel! They had all kinds of non-Jewish superstitions especially in astrology, including that the positioning of a certain star would announce the birth of the King of Jews.

Once the star started moving in the sky, the Magi embarked on a journey, following the star to where it stopped. Upon stopping, they were overwhelmed with joy as they entered the barn where Jesus lay, newly born. They greeted Him in worship. How amazing is it that Jesus' first visitors were GENTILES? Or the fact that with the grains of truth in their religious practice, they found Christ? Or that their first response to Him was WORSHIP?!

Take a moment to reflect on the Magi’s journey to a personal encounter with Jesus and try to connect it to your own.

Jesus, during this time of Advent, help me to remember that nothing can separate me from Your love. Wherever I am on my journey towards You, help me to me to meet you with an overwhelming joy. By your Grace, create in me a heart of worship. Let me encounter You in a deeper, personal way.

All paths of Truth lead to You, and as I draw closer to You, help me to bring others with me. Guide all of those who are continuously seeking Your love. Let this time of Advent and Christmas be an opportunity for me to be Your instrument in bringing them to You. May they encounter You and proclaim You as Lord, as I will do for all of eternity.

All glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

And how does this happen to me..?

So for some reason, these past couple weeks, Mary has really been a presence for me in two ways. The first is in Scripture. God has been pointing me to her, causing me to reflect on her, and marvel at her freedom, her virtue, her humility, her faith, her love (SO many things). The second is through her intercession.

Looking back at my prayer journal, it started on Dec 12. The scripture passage for that day (not the day's readings, but the one from this prayer booklet I've been trying to keep up with), was Luke 1:38 - "Mary said, Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word. Then the angel departed from her."

This verse has always been unique and special, as it's a line in the Angelus which I've been familiar with since grade 11 thanks to Communion and Liberation. 3 days later was my second exam, which I was not prepared for at ALL, and so I had sent out a bunch of texts to friends asking them to pray for me. As I walked to my exam (fully prepared in prayer to make up for my lack of academic prep), I suddenly desired to pray the Memorare, but this time, I was completely in a position of need. I knew the only way I would get through this exam was grace, and so it was in a different attitude that I prayed that prayer. The exam questions contained the exact options that I had prepared to write, thus, it went SO well. Coming out of it, I texted my friends thanking them and praising God, and one replied saying: "Thank Mother Mary too!!" And I was like "woah, how did she know???!!" She replied, "I said a Hail Mary."

I thought to myself - wow. A Hail Mary. A simple, simple Hail Mary, prayed in confidence, and for a need. I know we always ask Mother Mary to intercede for us, but in this event, it just became so real for me. 2 days after that, I was at morning Mass, and there was a particular friend I knew that I desperately needed to pray for. After Mass, the parishioners gathered to say the rosary, and while normally I like to sit with Scripture after Mass, I grabbed my stuff and walked over to sit with them, fully intending to offer up this rosary entirely for my friend. There's a beautiful statue of Mother Mary in the area we prayed, and again, my attitude this time was different, it was one of complete trust in Mary's most powerful intercession.

This past week, the Gospels have all been surrounding the Annunciation, and powerful images fill my mind about Mary, and about her role in our Salvation. God chose her above all women to be the mother of His son, but in her FREEDOM, she chose to say yes. Mary was completely and utterly free in the face of that choice. The Incarnation awaited her consent. Here comes her fiat again - Fiat, Latin for "Let it be done"!

"Ecce ancilla Domini; fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum: is a statement of humble faith, and a model for how we are to respond when God calls us to do what seems impossible."

THAT'S amazing, and this is what comes to mind every time I hear those words - freedom in the face of God's will for me, and how my only desire is that my will be His will.

So, when I heard Elizabeth's words in today's Gospel, when Mary came to visit her (Mary again!!! :D): "And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?" I thought the same - how does this happen to ME, that Mary, the mother of MY Lord, should come to ME as she did in this month, and as she does daily? All the words spoken of her in Scripture just jump out at me - "Hail, full of grace!" ... "You have found favor with God" ... "The power of the Most High will overshadow you" ... "Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled."

Dearest Mary, obtain for me true contrition for my sins, and may you always be the door through which I go to Jesus. Amen!

"...And laid Him in a manger."

Dear friends:

There are only FIVE DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS! WOW!

It always amazes me how time flies by this time of year, amidst the hustle and bustle of shopping, travelling, family reunions, etc. The first, shopping, is an especially prevalent activity that takes up a great chunk of our time in the month of December. Having said that, like many a shopper in the last week before Christmas, I believed that I was still not finished buying my gifts. So today, I decided to go and attempt to finish it off, buying the last few gifts in one go. I parked the car, walked into Limeridge Mall and began my search, keeping my family's wants/needs in mind as I walked.

It took me about 15 minutes of browsing before I realized that something wasn't quite right.

Sure, the shops were filled with shoppers waiting in line with carts and arms full of gifts for loved ones. The thoroughfares were clogged with people rushing to get into the next store to snag the last remaining "on-sale" item. The mall was fully decorated, Santa was taking pictures with little children in the centre foyer, and Christmas music was gaily emanating from every loudspeaker. Still, I felt a strange sense of discomfort...then I looked, really looked, at the people around me, and I was shocked to see so much sadness, stress, disappointment and even anger on so many of their faces.

I was really struck by this, and I couldn't help but think to myself, "How can they be feeling like that? It's Christmas time!" Then it really hit me, how completely absent any signs/reminders of Christ were from the mall - no Nativity scenes on display, no Christmas stars, not even the words "Merry Christmas". My heart grew very heavy then, and I had lost the mood to shop. I decided, however, to go into one last store to shop for something nice to give to the whole family, so I walked into a store that sold figurines/statues, etc. to put in the house.

As I walked by the counter, I slowed when I saw a man standing with his two young children, a little girl who couldn't have been more than 3 years old, riding in her stroller, and her brother walking beside them, perhaps 5 years old. Their father was buying a very simple Nativity set, and he was handing each of his children a tiny manger, with Jesus carved into each as one single piece; their faces lit up with huge grins! The brother caught my eye, and as I passed he said "Merry Christmas!" And my heart LEAPT in my chest!! This family, buying something so simple for Christmas, expressed true joy, and as my parish priest asked in his homily on Gaudete Sunday, "So many people are not joyful! Why not??"

I know this is a long post, but I was itching to share that! I left the mall then and drove home, having not bought a single thing. Were all those shoppers doing something wrong by buying gifts? Absolutely not!! Gift-giving at Christmas time is a wonderful thing – the tangible expression of love in gift-giving is very important, in my opinion. But why do we do that especially at Christmas? On the drive home, the image of the mangers in the hands of those two children was fixed in my mind's eye, and God blessed me with a small insight.

I'm sure you all know the typical image found on many Christmas cards, of the Holy Family in the stable in Bethlehem, with Jesus lying in an immaculately-clean manger with clean animals all around, and there's a heavenly glow around it all, etc, etc. While this image is SO beautiful and really reminds us of the beauty of the birth of Christ...it's not entirely accurate, and the mundane reality of the birth of Christ led me to something really beautiful :)

Philippians 2:6-7 says, "...although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men." Absolutely incredible! Our merciful, loving God, loves us SO much that He chose to be born among filth. He loves us so much that He GIFTED us with HIMSELF, and died for us…the most powerful expression of love (“There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends” – John 15:13). Now picture this: Mary and Joseph, sitting in a dark, dank stable surrounded by foul-smelling animals, looking lovingly at their newborn Son, Jesus Christ, lying in a manger filled with disgusting hay and food remains. That's right, a manger is a food trough, plain and simple! Jesus was lying in a food trough, probably filled with old, rotten food remains, dirty hay and other such things unfit for the front of a Christmas card. And yet Jesus Christ, the SON OF GOD, who has gifted Himself to us out of pure love, chose this as the place to rest His head as a newborn...can you imagine??

One's instinct is to move away from this image of filth...bear with me, I'm going to be a little forward and invite you to keep that image in your mind for a moment :) I realized that this image of "filth" or "rot" could be applied to our hearts at the Christmas season (no, I'm not referring to the condition of our arteries after all the desserts ;P). We are all sinners, and this will not change for as long as we live. What CAN change, however, is how much we let Christ into our lives and hearts, to allow Him to heal us in our brokenness. That's what the Christmas season is all about, letting Jesus be born (or re-born) in our hearts, amidst the filth and rot of sin. He WANTS to be born there, despite our brokenness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9) What a powerful verse to remember this season!!

My friends, in the 5 days remaining before Christmas, let us invite Christ into our hearts. Let us pray for all those who have not yet embraced Christ fully (if at all), and are not joyful. Let us make our hearts tiny mangers for Him, so that He may rest His head. Yes, they may be filled with dirty hay, with rot, with filth...but if we embrace Christ, who is coming to heal our hearts and make them clean, then they will be beautiful. That “dirty manger” will then be clean, fit for a King to rest in...and that is an image worthy of the front of a Christmas card.

Pray without ceasing :)!

Love of my life

The season of Advent this year has been more meaningful to me than any other. For the first time I actually realize what a blessing it is to have Christ come down for us in the form of a man and to save us from sin and death. And now I realize that serving Him involves a lot more than what I did previously. I realize that I need to love Him as much as He loves me, and I came to that realization through a mini-heart break.

So the thing is that I had known this guy for over 5 years and we'd been friends since then and sometime around last year we tried being more than friends (didn't work out too beautifully) but we decided to still be friends after that. Problem was in my head he was still a LOT more than just a friend (I know, shoot me now). Then he just fell off the radar for quite some time, no calls, no texts, nothing. I was worried as any other friend would be because he could have been hurt or something, but if he wasn't hurt and was just ignoring me,then that would just be a whole different story. Turns out it was the latter. I was pretty hurt by that. I mean here is someone whom I give my time and affection and this is exactly what I get in return.

But I thank God for the ways in which he uses people. In that time of his absence, (the first two weeks of Advent), lots of things were already going on for preparation (Amazing Gospel readings, talks etc). I can't remember at what time it hit me, but it dawned on me that I had a love that would never go away, a love that lasts forever, a love that can never be questioned. And yet I searched for love elsewhere? (At that point i felt dumb). And I surrendered everything I had to Jesus and I made up my mind that he would be my first love and any other guy would have to settle for second place.

So this Advent season has really been an eye-opener that Jesus Christ really and truly loves us, and wants to be with us as the center of our lives if we let him in. So as we prepare for his coming, let us invite him unreservedly to be the center of everything that we do, let us love Him and go to Him in prayer and thanksgiving!

Ephesians 3:17-19
Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.



P.s A good song to check out titled "By your side" by Tenth Avenue North.

Merry Christmas lovelies!!!!

More Joy! Rejoice and Be Responsible!

At first glance, the title looks like a line from a beer commercial, but if you bear with me, you'll find out I'm not talking about beer commercials.

Today's 2nd reading is TRULY AMAZING!

"Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit, do not despise prophesying, but test everything; hold fast what is good, abstain from every form of evil. May the God of peace Himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, and He will do it." Thess 5:16-24

The joy St. Paul speaks of is joy in JESUS CHRIST! Christ is always with us; therefore, we always have a reason to be joyful, no matter what the circumstances.

Until I had read a reflection on this passage, the words "do not despise prophesying" puzzled me. They didn't seem to fit with everything else. St. Cyril of Alexandria explains it beautifully. St. Paul calls us to not only be open the interior work of the Holy Spirit, such as His gifts and fruits, but also to the external manifestations of the Holy Spirit, such as prophecy. At the same time St. Paul echoes Christ's warning that there will be false prophets. By listening to the Spirit of God speaking to us, and most importantly through the Church, we will be able to test these prophecies and separate the good from the bad.

I find the most striking words to be the last sentence of this passage, "He who calls you is faithful, and He will do it." Our Lord will call us; He is faithful, and He will not forget. As a Catholic - and specifically as a Jesus Youth - where-ever and whenever God calls me I need to bring Him with me. I need to be at God's service at all times. If I do not listen to His call then there might be a person in this world who never experiences the joy of Jesus Christ because I failed to share it with them.

In Father Kenneth LeBlanc's homily today, he said that Christ cannot be the only one who gifts at Christmas, we also need to bring gifts to Christmas. God is faithful to us and calls us to Him. Do we give Him the gift of our faithfulness and respond to His call?

To wrap-up before this post becomes more ramble-y... We rejoice because we have Christ, and we need to be responsible, in the sense that we follow to our Lord's call and share it with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

"REJOICE... AGAIN, I SAY REJOICE" Phil. 4:4

joyjoyjoy

I hope it’s not just today, but I feel so much joy in my heart that it can only translate as a blog post.

Very briefly, I feel:

We have every reason to rejoice. Truly rejoice.

The reason I doubt and want it to be more than today is because I know, for sure, that joy cannot be partial, fleeting or temporary- or it’s not joy. I was surprised because the Bible lists at least THREE different speakers mentioning the idea of joy being ‘complete’: Jesus, St. John and St. Paul!

And check this out:

 You have turned my mourning into dancing;
   you have taken off my sackcloth
   and clothed me with joy, 

 so that my soul may praise you and not be silent.
   O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you for ever.

 So I’m imagining a big soft, possibly pink, I mean rose blanket descending from the heavens and covering my head to toe. J Which is great and fluffy and all, but it begs the question: how does joy manifest itself in us? I actually thought, up till maybe right now, that joy meant jumping around, hyperactivity and perhaps even an immovable smile on one’s face.

But if we look back to this verse, it says “so my soul may praise you and not be silent”. My soul. My inmost being. It’s more than my actions and words shouting for joy, which the Psalms encourage too, but it’s even deeper! How does one’s soul shout? Praise?

And how many of us have allowed ourselves to experience this joy?

I ask all these questions. And then I thought of holy people in my life. And then Mother Mary.

And Mary said,
‘My soul magnifies the Lord, 
and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour, 
for he has looked with favour on the lowliness of his servant.

 Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed; 
for the Mighty One has done great things for me,
   and holy is his name.  (Luke 1:46-49)

We say that one of the characteristics of a Jesus Youth is that they are joyfully charismatic. Now that doesn’t just mean we love our action songs and jumping around when told to do so. (This took me a while to learn.) Roy actually shared this with me- Mother Mary is charismatic, joyfully charismatic. So infilled with the Holy Spirit, rejoicing in God. She even prophecies (a gift of the Spirit, yeah?)- all generations will call her blessed! And we do. J

So this joy is complete, it is interior and exterior, it is all-encompassing, it is silent, it is a shout. A pulse back to the One who gave us reason to rejoice in the first place. It begins with an infilling of the Holy Spirit and manifests in the bearing of fruit.

Such is joy.

Come soon Lord Jesus!  

Time is flying

You now when you just want to blog? But don’t really have blog-worthy thoughts swimming around? That’s me. But, it’s Advent. I am not about to start a 3 hr study session tonight (in fact I’m about to sleep), and today it hit me how little time is left! So I decided to blog anyways..

God is funny how He works. I received an Advent Reflection in my inbox today that talked about Gaudete Sunday, coming up this weekend, the 3^rd week of Advent. And I was taken aback! Yes, Advent is long this year, but still, the 3^rd week already? Seriously, it’s already time for the pink candle?

Yes. It is.

And our beautiful Lord knows me well… thus moving in a dear friend of mine to send out an email today which gently (but forcefully at the same time?) reminded me that I AM LETTING ADVENT PASS ME BY AND THAT IS NOT OKAY.

Thanks God for the clear message. I’m planning to take note. It’s not that I’ve been ignoring this liturgical season, I mean look: I have a little candle light prayer ritual each night added in! But it hasn’t translated into anything other than that.

One of the major things I see myself falling into in the past few months is a disparity between my prayer life and the motions of everyday life. My zeal for God and his will doesn’t show in the ways I want it to outside of my prayer life and formal ministry like things. But I believe that it can.

So, this is just another wakeup call. It’s not my first, and it won’t be my last. I’m off facebook for the next 6 days (bonus, extra time for studying!) and I’m really really going to try and recognize the Holy Spirit in action throughout the day, and invite Him to use me for His glory.

Okay, that’s all, time to go sit with Him and my candle J